There are key things in relationships that are better left untouched. Questions, that we know, (like the "x- files of the 90's) "The truth is out there"- but should remain OUT THERE. Way out there.
Absolute truth is for Dickens novels of some substantial length. Even the Bible has stories full of people telling lies. Things like "sure it's your baby" and "... of course I'm your eldest son, feel the hair on my arm!" Lying is, well, complicated- and, as I have learned by experience, sometimes necessary. I know, I know, that goes against every grain of John Wayne in your ethical little body- but, heads up, life is no longer John Wayne, and the bad guys aren't waiting for you to count off the three steps before turning and firing. It's a different world and maybe it always has been.
See, I didn't used to be a liar. At the very worst, I was an omitter. An omitter is radically different than a liar. A liar will say "No" when the truth is "Yes". An omitter will omit any answer. I guess another word for Omitter would be Evader, although, I would like to think an Evader is a little bit more tactically evasive than an Omitter, but there are other categories too. Oh, this is all getting so complicated, so let me try to explain using a Steven Spielberg classic and some fun names.
Ruthie is living with Jaba the Nut. She has been with her for several years and is housebound due to the fact that Jaba wishes to be in a traditional relationship where she is the primary breadwinner. She also doesn't trust Ruthie any farther than she can throw her. In my opinion, she has now created her own reality where Ruthie will, in fact, be untrustworthy, but that's another blog. While Ruth is supposed to be home doing laundry, she has a secret meeting with Jill-just-over-the-hill, where they attend Jedi Knight training (a big secret). Jaba comes home after a long day working as a temp at the recycling center in 95 degree weather, in a not so pleasant mood. The following conversation insues:
Jaba: How was your day today?
Now, what a loaded question. Let's look at what all of the possible answers could be-
Ruthie as Princess Liar would say: "Oh fine, I just stayed home watching tv and didn't leave the house." An outright, bold, total fabrication.
Ruthie as Omie (short for Omitter) Wan Kanobie would say: "Well, it was okay, I got to watch Judge Judy this afternoon." Notice how Omie focuses on the truth of the afternoon, completely omitting the morning in the hopes that Jaba will hear Judge Judy and go with that.
Ruthie as Darth Evader would say: "Good- hey darling, would you like a big steak for dinner?" A complete evasion of the whole subject-
and Ruthie as Truth Skywalker would blurt out the whole sordid situation: I went to Jedi training classes with Jill this morning! I'm so sorry!!
Oh, how we'd all like to be Truth Skywalker, but Jaba the Nut doesn't necessarily like the answers of our honest, and bold Jedi in training.
WHAT!!!! YOU DARE GO AGAINST MY WISHES??!-
Okay, okay, kind of dramatic but you get my point. And that's where big butts come in. Is it a "far, far better thing I do, than I have ever done" to tell my partner when she asks about how her butt looks in those pants, that if they were yellow, little school children would try to board her for the early morning ride to classes? What purpose does that serve? I mean, if I say nothing regarding the width and breadth of how the coverage looks regarding her posterior- who's going to tell her? Hank, the guy that services the Xerox machine? Some random server at the roach coach? A co-worker equally nervous about the way her butt looks in her pants? C'mon ladies, let's hedge our bets! I am all for preserving domestic bliss and let me guarantee you, I USED to be a Truth Skywalker- but I am here to tell you- the Federation is dead! The fastest way to find yourself in the outermost polar regions of the livingroom sofa, is to give the wrong answer on the big butt question. They disquise it as a problem with some "other issue" like why the garbage hasn't gone out, or child-rearing differences or the like, but when you chart it back (and you will, be sure of that) it goes back to that morning, when she was getting ready for work, and the -do these pants..- question came up.
Same with the hair. I gave an honest answer about a new hairdo recently and life has not been the same. We slept in separate beds all during our vacation. DO NOT GO THERE! The saga of Star Wars has many cast-members and the character of Truth Skywalker, while noble, didn't get the girl. As a matter of fact, it turned out to be his sister- How's that for a dose of reality?
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