The Space Between

Dancing With Caution Tape

 I don't care who you are, but in any relationship, things can get rough at times.  That is if you're both truly being honest with each other and yourself.  We are all very unique individuals and there's going to be times when we're going to bump heads. 

Something my partner said to me once when our "conversation" was interrupted for a moment and I came back and said, "Now, where were we?" She said, "We were dancing with caution tape."  I thought that was a great way to explain it.  Too many times in the past we had let emotions flare, and things get out of hand where neither of us felt good about ourselves or our relationship.  We've been working on being able to share our feelings, yet stay out of our kid place and stay in our adult.  To stay in reality of two adults who deeply love each other, yet obviously have picked up some "buttons" in our past life experience (mostly childhood buttons) before we knew each other.  Now, we were working on coming together, listening more to the other person, and opening up to the possibility of actually working through our issues together as two loving adults with respect for ourselves and each other.

It's so easy to give up on a relationship when things aren't smooth sailing, but that's when you find out if you truly are right for each other.  In our early years, as we went through our "getting to know each other" stage and we found ourselves having to leave the house at night and go for a walk because the "conversation" was a bit intense, I would tell myself this..I know that no matter who I am with, I'm going to go through these difficult times of learning about the other person, learning about issues, concerns, buttons, likes, dislikes, you name it, and learning about myself and my own issues.  So, my question to myself was, "If I'm going to go through this with whomever I'm with, then who do I want to go through this with?"  My answer was always, my current partner.  She's the one who I want to learn and grow with.  She's the one who I want to experience the good times and the bad with.  She's who I want by my side no matter what.  If you can say that about your partner, in the heat of things, then chances are, you're with the right person.

So, next time you're in that intense "conversation" moment, remember to ask yourself...who do you want to go through this with?  Remember, this is the person you love, the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.  Treat her with respect and love, and especially be sure to really listen from her place and not from within yourself.  The intensity will start to subside and you will find yourselves working together more rather than against each other.  Before you know it you'll be...dancing with caution tape, too, which (believe me) feels a whole lot better than butting heads. 

Achoo vs OMG!

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Read at your own risk...

We were driving down the road the other day when I started feeling the urge to sneeze.  Have you ever thought about what happens when you sneeze?  At first, you feel this slight urge, then it gradually builds and builds and builds.  And as it builds closer to the event, your body starts to tingle.  Then, all of a sudden there it is...the explosion of the sneeze.  And after you're done, you feel content and satisfied.  I said to myself..."Gee, that felt good."  Then, it dawned on me...a sneeze is similar to an orgasm.  I mean think about it...an orgasm and a sneeze are the only two things that our body does where it starts out slow and feeling good, then it builds and builds, getting more intense with tingling feelings...and then the explosion. 

It's taken me almost half a century to figure this out.  Has anyone else ever realized this?  So, if you've got that urge to "go there" and you're not in a place to do that, just go sniff some pepper...it's the next best thing.

And, the next time someone sneezes...well, you know that must have felt good!

FEAR - Does it control you or do you control it?

I don't watch much television, but the other day I decided to plop my butt down on the couch and relax for a few moments.  I flipped on the tube and started channel surfacing when I came across Dr. Phil's show.  The show was about a woman who has over 30 phobias.  Her phobias are to such an extreme that both of her teenagers dropped out of school to take care of her.  As I listened to this woman describe her life, which is totally controlled by her fears, I started thinking about my own fears and how they have controlled me in the past.  My fears may not have controlled me to the depth like this women's fears have, but none-the-less, they did control me at a certain level.

Fear is an interesting concept.  Often times we waste our life worrying about what "might happen."  When in reality, what we worry about will probably never happen.  And, even if that which we fear does happen, worrying about it is not going to prevent it from happening.

So, how do we let go of this fear?  It's really a matter of changing old patterns and habits.  You need to re-program your mind and thoughts.  You can choose to continue to worry, or choose to let them go and live in the moment.  Meditation is a good place to start.  Focus on the here and now.  What do you know is fact...right now...in this moment.  Don't think about the future...it's not here, yet.  Think about the present moment.  Stay focused on that.  It won't come naturally at first.  Our brains are like a train running along the same tracks, it's hard to derail and get off the track.  But, keep working at it.  With practice, you'll see a small shift, and then a little bit more of a shift until eventually you've reprogrammed your thought pattern.

Take comfort in knowing that if problems do arise (and they will), you'll be able to deal with it.  Plus,  you'll be mentally stronger because you've been focusing on the positive.  A positive mind and spirit is key to dealing with all kinds of issues.  Life is not a free ride, nor will it always be easy.  We know this.  But, it's how we deal with the challenges we face that matters.  Counseling is also a great tool to help as well if you can't master the art of leaving fear behind on your own.

Stay healthy, stay positive and stay strong.

Human and Animal Souls - Is there a connection?

My partner received a phone call that her grandmother had passed away, and while she was on the phone receiving this sad news, she heard a big BANG!  When she got up to look out the window at what could have made such a loud noise, she saw a bird lying on the deck breathing his last breaths.  In the many years we've lived in our home, and inspite of the many floor to ceiling wall to wall windows, we've never had this happen before.  Plus, the blinds were closed on the windows, which makes it even more unusual. 

This incident brings me to the question as to "why now?"  Why at the very moment my partner received the news of her grandmother's passing did this bird hit the window so hard that he lost his life here on earth.  Is there a connection between human and animal souls?

I saw a movie awhile back titled, "The Golden Compass."  In this movie, every human had an animal, which was connected to them at a soul level.  If the human died, the animal also died.  This incident reminded me of this movie, and I ponder that there just may be some truth to this idea.

Yet, then I asked myself..."why did this bird land at our home versus closer to her family, which was about 3000 miles away?"  Was it her grandmother's way of saying good-bye?  Or, a reminder to live each moment to the fullest because that really is all we have in this life...is a moment.  The past is gone, and the future isn't here, yet.  Therefore,  what we have is..."this moment."  Or, maybe it was her grandmother's way of giving my partner her blessing about the life she has chosen.  My partner's family had a difficult time accepting that she was gay, yet in the past year or so, they have come to accept her for who she is, yet we had not heard from her grandmother and how she felt about all of this.

Currently, I do not have the answer to this question as to "why now."  Why did this bird lose its life in the moment of sadness?  However, I do believe the passing of grandma and the passing of this little bird are related in some way.  I like to think it was so they could travel together in the spirit world and comfort each other through the transition of life here on earth ... to life in the spirit world. 

We may never know the answer because death and the spirit world will always be a mystery to us.  We have our speculations and ideas about life, death and our souls, but no one really knows the answer.  Do those who have passed on find the answer at that moment?  We won't know until it becomes our turn.  So, until then, all we can do is follow our convictions in what we each believe in our own hearts about our soul connection, and pray that there is life beyond death...and a much greater life than what we can ever imagine.

We buried this beautiful creature, and said some prayers with our young son by our side.  We sent the bird off with blessings and love to a wonderful journey into the next realm.  Now you know what my belief is.